Purposeful Power Player

Friday, February 11, 2005

I just don't what to say....

I am somewhat miffed at his behavior towards me. I mean he acts like me taking him to court is to be on "get back" time....but it isn't. I am just trying to protect my daughter, just in case something was to happen to him....and he thinks taking out a life insurance policy will surfice....Yeah right....he may stop paying on it....and I wouldn't even know.....I am still waiting for him to say..."Yeah, this is the best for our daughter".....but all he thinks about is what happens to him....I mean, I have a struggle...I have had to make some sacrafices....I mean his ass isn't around when she's sick...and I have to take off work....His ass isn't around when good things happen to her....so he isn't there to share it with her....nor does he even ASK about her progress....I don't know why he can't just be the best father he can to his daughter. All he cares about is himself. I know if this was his son...he'd probably go all out for him.

He talks that weak shit about how he loves all his kids the same....that's some utter bullshit. And if he does...he has a wack ass way of showing it....His other daughter's mother was all kinds of names because she decided to take of hers, but when I try to take care of mine....I get the I am trying to destroy him speech....I bet you, he didn't say that shit to everyone else....He doesn't know how to separate the mother from the child....before he turned on me...he would call...EVERY day damn, with the same ass exuse of...I just wanna know how my shorty is doing...but that was some crap...and I knew it....he just wanted to speak to me....

I've known for a long time....he still had feelings for me...even though I just wasn't feeling him, especially after I discovered his little black secret....I am not his savior....I am the savior of my daughter....I am here for her....to look out for her best interests...not his....and he just thought he was going to sit up there and just tell me anything....like I was going to believe it.....I stopped believing in what he had to say a looooong time ago....because I woke up to the fact that all he does is lie....the one that plays over in my mind is when he was like career gone, family gone....WHATEVER....in my mind his career is fucking joke...because of the way he treats those marines....he treats them like shit (but yet he doesn't think he's gonna get shit in return)....like he's the big man on top....but if ya ask me...he's a blower....and I'm sure with his superior bullshit ass attitude, he probably could blow a cloud's high.....and then that whole family thing......that was ALWAYS some shit.....you can't tell me that when you cheat on your mate that you don't ever feel an overwhelming amount of guilt....WHAT THE HELL? *confused*

N...E... WAY

He doesn't know anything about his daughter....like the types of foods she likes....and what she likes to do....I sent him pictures of her...just so he can see all the beautiful things he's missing because of how he's being a major asshole....but it doesn't matter because she will NEVER love him like she LOVES me....I think eventually he'll just fade away in her mind.....and when she gets older, like a teen, I hope he's really a distance memory of some man that she once met....but she doesn't have to worry...because I am not always going to be a SINGLE BLACK MOTHER....and she'll have the best Dad she'll ever need in her life.....he's just her biological not her supporter.

Never once does he even act like he even cares about her.....

He's just another clown in the circus of life.