I truly not to be angry for all the decisions I have made regarding men. But nevertheless, deeply I know I am still very hurt and angered by all the crap I have endured over the years from men.
I know I played a role, by being co-dependent and I allowed for things to happen to me because I didn't be more forthright or speak up more often.
And now I feel like I am suffering for those choices I made. I hate fact that made those choices.
And I can't stand the fact they took advantage of me....of my niceness and they used me.....and I never really got much out of the situation. I allowed them to dictate to me how things were going to flow and perhap because of my low self esteem at the time, I thought they knew best...but all the while I was screaming and dying inside because I felt I was getting what I deserved from them.
I will admit...even though people say you gotta love yourself first....it's so much harder because how can you love yourself, if you think no one else will love you.......
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
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