Eff it! | Overweight = Unworthy thoughts | STFU!

Here is a reality check on being overweight, something I've NEVER admitted to others, but here we go....

So Saturday night, hubby and I went to a party....we took this picture.  I liked the picture of my FACE, it was the REST of ME, I wasn't feelin'...and for the FIRST time in my life I got a really good look at HOW overweight I am.  I'm like in SHOCK!  insert *BLANK STARE*...... :-| 

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see what I saw in that picture.  When I'm just looking at myself while, say for example, I"m writing this blog I don't see that.  I don't even FEEL all that fat.  I'm not very happy about my physical appearance right now, and guess what, I was thinking it's really not all that bad.  WTF was I thinking? lol 

I'm working on my transformation, but dang it for a sliver in time, I felt like JUST because I am overweight ALL things I've accomplished and have been blessed with, I didn't deserve because I am FAT!

The husband, the cars, the degrees, the career,the house, the children, the dog, just the entire lot of it!!!!  WTF? 

 It's like society has people believing that only the fit and trim or the not so overweight people deserve the wonderful things in life.  Look at how advertising promotes products!!!!!  The overweight woman in the ad is promoting products like Mr. Clean or a mop!  The thin woman is promoting hot cars, great looking shoes, expensive handbags, or anything that deems success!!!!!!!! STFU!!!!!! Society's mentality towards overweight and obese people is just horrible.  We live in such a harsh world. Filled with so many hang ups....*get off the soap box* before this becomes an essay and not a blog post!!!! lol :-) 

OMG! For a moment I've fallen into being thin = success trap!!!!!!!!  Where is my self esteem?  It had fallen in the dumps after looking at that picture.  Picking it up off the floor now!

I spoke to my hubby about it.  He just shook his head...and he told me that he loved me and he was happy that I was taking charge of it...(me being overweight) NOT because I wanted to look like a supermodel with all the bells and whistles, but because I am 40 years old and I need to make sure my health is straight...ON POINT.  

Case in point, for me to be overweight, I take no meds for any ailments.  Blessed.  I am now more determined that EVER to correct my eating habits.  I use to eat only one meal a day - and I'd stuff my face! lol Since 6th grade I stopped eating breakfast on the regular.  There are patterns, habits, behaviors I need to change, let go, and modify.  This is going to take some time.  All this didn't happen overnight, it's not a problem that's going to be fixed over night either. 

So yeah, here and there I have thoughts that I'm not worthy of my accomplishments, thus I'm not worthy to achieve anymore success because I'm a fatty. There I've said it.  I feel better. lol :-) 

 It's okay for men to be fat and still be successful, but women don't have that same leeway.....I digress....

I'm done with this.  I'm in transformation mode.  Transforming one day at a time. 

Be Free....